How People Use ‘Forgiveness’ To ‘Shame’ Abuse Survivors.

This is very important. I know that too many religious types (of all faiths) DEMAND that you forgive abusive people. Sometimes abusers use religion to abuse others and then turn around and say “Now you have to forgive me because God says.”

That’s a load of bullshit. You don’t owe anyone forgiveness. You don’t owe anyone your time if they’re going to be horrible to you.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

DSC_1162-006.JPG

I see this occurring, all too often.

Religious people, can be the worst for this. I’ve heard many toxic and abusive statements, like ‘God won’t forgive you of your sins, if you don’t forgive your abusers’, ‘all sins are equal’. ‘I’ve forgiven, so should you’. Which is highly abusive to state.

This is all ‘shame-shifting’.

The only person that does need to feel shame, is the abuser. They do need to feel appropriate shame about their actions. They do need to feel remorse about the harm they caused. They need to seek to do what is necessary, to deal with it appropriately. Like be honest and tell the truth. Be honest about their motivations.

And if they did all this, they would not expect or demand anything from the victim. They would know the victim needs to deal with their healing, how the victim needs. They would know the victim…

View original post 231 more words

Been super busy lately

I got a new job at a local hospital in the administrative bits.  The training is intense and there’s so much to remember. I think it will be just a matter of practice and not beating myself up.

I haven’t done much art stuff because I’ve been occupied with the job training. I hope to get back to it all very soon.

Open letter to Nyle Dimarco

I just love Nyle DiMarco. Nyle DiMarco and Matt Daigle both helped me cope with my own hearing loss. I don’t know where I would be in this if it wasn’t for them.

kramissah

Hello Nyle:

I hope this letter finds you doing well.  I have been meaning to send this to you for some time.  I was not sure how to frame my thoughts, which led me to put it off until now.  I have no specific reason to go public about this.  I just wanted to share something with you.

I am proud of you.  I am proud of your accomplishments. I am proud of what you are doing for the Deaf community.  I proud that you are a role model for many in our community.  I am so excited for you.  You have done what many of us only imagine or dream about but aren’t able to make it come true.

You are an epitome of the true meaning of hard work.  For that alone, I admire you.  My admiration is also because of your tenacity – the grip you have…

View original post 730 more words

My poor neglected art therapy journal.

It’s been insanely busy lately.  I had to really buckle down to study for that medical coding exam. It was so difficult. I honestly have no idea if I passed it or not. The challenging thing is that there are so many similar treatment codes (CPT and HCPCS) that it was really hard to choose which one to pick. The scary thing is that you can get in BIG TROUBLE if the auditors think you’re deliberately trying to pull some funny business when that’s not the case.

I have a new found respect for doctors and nursing staff. How the HELL does one remember ALL THOSE AILMENTS and then remember which treatment to use for them? There are thousands! HOW DO THEY DO IT? It’s beyond me!

The hardcore studying really cut into my art time. =( I really hate that. I have to pass the exam if I want to have better job opportunities.

I have a new little buddy who lives on my desk.

LondoFish

His name is Londo.  I named him after Londo Mollari because Betta fish have that kind of Centauri Prime pompousness. If you want to know where I got the Babylon 5 Zen Garden backdrop, I just Googled the image, printed it and taped it to the back of the tank.  I will transfer him to a larger tank when he grows a little more.

I have run into a bit of a creative dry spell. I found two books written by one of my all time favorite comic book artists Jessica Abel. Some of you may know her as “Art Babe.”  I’ve been a fan since I found out about her in the 1990s via Sarah Dyer‘s comic showcase Action Girl.

These are the books:

Drawing Words and Writing Pictures: Making Comics: Manga, Graphic Novels, and Beyond  and Mastering Comics: Drawing Words & Writing Pictures Continued 

I am glad that I found these because they’re very informative about how to make comics. I don’t plan on making a living on comics.  That field is SUPER competitive.  They’re just going to be further therapeutic tools for my art journaling.

Some of my friends do this exercise where they draw whilst listening to music.  I have been on a Jamiroquai binge for the past few days.  I want to draw a few comic panels based on their song “Cosmic Girl.”  I drew one manga-ish figure.  Let’s just say that Rome was not built in a day.

cosmicgirl

Why is it whatever image you have in your head that you want to put on paper NEVER turns out how you really want it? Very frustrating.

But I guess the only way I will get better at any art stuff is to keep doing it, even if I have to force myself.

 

Suicide is NOT painless and it does bring so many changes…

I have lost quite a few people to suicide. It is one of the most gut wrenching way to lose somebody.  It can make you forever beat yourself up wondering what you could have done. What signs did you miss? Why didn’t you KNOW that the person was suffering so much that s/he felt that suicide was the only way out.  Sadly, we’re not psychics. Some people are extremely good at hiding pain.  Logically you can know this, but that emotional vulnerable part of your psyche takes a TON of convincing.

This is one of the best articles I’ve read about suicide.

This bit is HUGE: The capability comes by being habituated to harm.

“Physical or sexual abuse as a child, combat exposure, and domestic abuse can also ‘prep’ the individual for the physical pain associated with suicidal behavior,” Bering writes, noting how specific the preparation can be. “For example, a study on suicides in the U.S. military branches found that guns were most frequently associated with Army personnel suicides, hanging and knots for those in the Navy, and falling and heights were more common for those in the Air Force.”

People who come from abusive backgrounds or who have experienced combat either as a soldier or civilian are at risk because they’ve grown accustomed to being harmed. When you’ve been brutalized, you come to expect more brutality. When it comes from abuse from family or churches, it can make you feel like you are less than human and unfit to live. When it comes to soldiers, it comes from the horror of having to take a life and unable to process that. When it comes to war victims, it can make one want to escape all that pain and perhaps a world that is so cruel that you’re afraid to live in it. This is huge because if we KNOW a person has had these experiences, we KNOW that we have to especially reach out to them. We have to keep a loving, watchful eye. We have to ALWAYS ALWAYS let them know that they are loved, they’re not burdens and they matter. People like that can easily think that they’re nothing but burdens on their loved ones and falsely believe that killing themselves would be a relief to everyone. WHICH IS NOT TRUE! IT WILL ONLY MAKE THEM QUESTION WHAT THEY DID WRONG (nothing wrong) AND WONDER WHAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE TO STOP IT!

Robin Williams had a double whammy against him when he committed suicide.  It’s long known that he suffered from bipolar disorders which gave him some seriously crushing depressions.  He was also given a devastating and horrifying diagnosis.  Lewy Body, Alzheimer’s and other dementia related illnesses ARE terrifying. I know from experience that it is a horrifying thing to watch loved ones succumb to these. I can’t even IMAGINE what it is like to BE the person suffering.

I’m sorry my first post of the New Year isn’t chipper and happy.  I’m not deeply depressed right now, so that’s not why I’m sharing this article and my thoughts. I just KNOW what it is like to suffer from that crushing depressing and feeling like I am a burden and people would rather not have me around.  Depression is a lying sack of shit. It’s like one of those charismatic dooms day cult leaders that feels so convincing.

Let’s really look out for each other and be empathetic this year.

The Thing All Women Do That You Don’t Know About

Being a woman, you are always afraid of being raped or killed because some man feels entitled.

Drifting Through My Open Mind

image: Shutterstock image: Shutterstock

There’s this thing that happens whenever I speak about or write about women’s issues. Things like dress codes, rape culture and sexism. I get the comments: Aren’t there more important things to worry about? Is this really that big of a deal? Aren’t you being overly sensitive? Are you sure you’re being rational about this?

Every. Single. Time.

And every single time I get frustrated. Why don’t they get it?

I think I’ve figured out why.

They don’t know.

They don’t know about de-escalation. Minimizing. Quietly acquiescing.

Hell, even though women live it, we are not always aware of it. But we have all done it.

We have all learned, either by instinct or by trial and error, how to minimize a situation that makes us uncomfortable. How to avoid angering a man or endangering ourselves. We have all, on many occasions, ignored an offensive comment. We’ve all…

View original post 1,606 more words

Can you hear me now?

I found this article via Facebook. I think that it’s a great article to help understand hearing loss.

I am at about 40dB hearing loss due to the Meniere’s. It fluctuates between about 30dB and 40dB depending on what the fluids in my ears are doing.  Since I am an adult, I’m not quite at the stage for hearing aids, but it’s enough to really annoy me.