Slacking on the blog *tisk tisk*

My health has been driving me insane. I passed a kidney stone last week and I’m still recovering from that. This is kidney stone number 3! I’ve had two in 2009, but I thought that it was just because I was taking the Topomax for my migraines. After the second one, a doctor told me that Topomax can cause kidney stones! I went to my neurologist and demanded to be taken off!  It also is known as Stupomax because it really slows down the brain processes. Ick! Good riddance to that.

Last Wednesday I woke up and had HORRIBLE pains in my right flank area. I knew right away what it was. It hurt so much that I was puking. I crawled to the bedroom and told my husband that I think I have another kidney stone.  I more or less crawled down the stairs, hobbled into the car and off to the ER we went!  I was given some meds and taken to CAT Scan.  Sure enough it was a stupid kidney stone. UGH!  Luckily it didn’t take too long to pass. I was given a script for THIRTY tablets of Narco. THIRTY! Really? I only took one and hated it because while it did calm down the pain from the stone, it gave me a splitting headache.  No wonder people get hooked on opiates!  Seriously!

I was referred to a urologist because that was stone #3 and the medical people wanted to figure out why I’ve had so many in my life.  (Is it immature that I referred to the kidney stone as a “piss pebble” and the urologist as the “pee pee doctor? Perhaps, but my weird bizarro humor keeps me “sane-ish”) The urologist I saw was pretty cute, too! =D I didn’t see a ring on his finger, so I shall send my single lady friends his way. =P

I got a new job working with adults and kids with disabilities. I do enjoy it. I plan to go back to school for the sign language. Let’s hope that my health cooperates.

My Peekapoo Zoe Zlata (pictured here in her Anime outfit for a photo contest at my husband’s work) now has a new brother!

 

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Meet Joey!

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He is a Shih Tzu.  Hoof, Woof and Meow posted his photo on their Facebook page. I saw that adorable face and knew that I had to have him.  He’s about seven and a half years old and he is blind.  He was born blind. He can get around the house pretty well since he knows where everything is.  He’s a total cuddle puppy and always wants to be held, unlike his drama queen sister. Zoe likes cuddles, but only on HER terms. Sometimes I wonder if she’s a cat disguised as a dog.

I haven’t really had the time or health stamina to do anything creative, so that will have to wait.

I am going to go into hiding tomorrow until that bloody dreadful “holiday” April Fools is over.

Long neglected blog!

Has it been a year since I’ve actually written in this thing?  I’ve been really busy with that job (which I had to resign). I also got married at Disney on July 11. =)

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That’s my bouquet. It’s still in the process of being preserved. I didn’t want to include a photo of my husband and I together on this public of a forum because we both have psychotic exes who may make an appearance and make things ugly.  I don’t understand why people can’t let go and not cause problems.

I  didn’t really do much creative stuff. =(  I just made two flower hair pins and an Evil Eye flower clip.

 

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Having Lupus and working really odd hours at the emergency room really did a number on my health.  It manifests as attacks on my lungs and joints. It got to the point where it was getting difficult to walk and breathe. Asthma+Lupus attack on lungs=lots of coughing and gasping.  Nurses would flock to me and ask me if I want to be seen by one of the doctors. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the doctors where I work. They’re awesome people, but I really didn’t want the hassle of sitting in a room and waiting to be seen.  They wouldn’t just let me wait at my desk until a doctor could see me. I had to go to an actual room.

I’ve been in a really bummed out mood since Cheeto Mussolini had been elected. =( I was shocked when Trump won. It’s been pretty scary since.  I’ve had friends who have been attacked for being LGBT, POC, disabled, female, etc.  I’ve been called “Deaf Bitch.” I also had people ask my coworkers “Why did you hire a handicapped girl for the ER?”  One of my friends wound up in the ICU from being beaten.  I don’t really like to rattle on about political stuff on my blog or other social media (what can I say that hasn’t already been said?), but I am definitely scared about what’s to come.

I do plan on taking classes in creative stuff.  I’ve always wanted to learn how to knit and crochet.  I plan on taking sewing classes so I can improve on my skills. My mother is a master seamstress. She can look at anything, create a pattern for it and MAKE IT!  I’m nowhere near as talented as my mother with that. She’s truly amazing.

I had to drop my sign language class because of the demands of the ER registrar job. =( I was really bummed out about it. I loved my classmates and adored my professor. I am going to pick that back up in the fall.

I’ve moved all my art and sewing stuff from the spare room to the basement. It makes sense to do that. We need an actual guest room.  There is also more room for things in the basement. It’s also right by the washing machine, so I can prewash all my fabrics and be right there. The ironing board stuff is also right there permanently, so I don’t have to lug everything upstairs to iron seams. It gets a little cold, but it makes the creative stuff more convenient. Right now it’s a bloody mess down there and I am still trying to figure out where to put everything. Once I have it nice and set up, I shall take piccies.

So, dear readers? What has been going on with you? What has been inspiring you?  Please share your experiences.

 

 

How People Use ‘Forgiveness’ To ‘Shame’ Abuse Survivors.

This is very important. I know that too many religious types (of all faiths) DEMAND that you forgive abusive people. Sometimes abusers use religion to abuse others and then turn around and say “Now you have to forgive me because God says.”

That’s a load of bullshit. You don’t owe anyone forgiveness. You don’t owe anyone your time if they’re going to be horrible to you.

Healing From Complex Trauma & PTSD/CPTSD

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I see this occurring, all too often.

Religious people, can be the worst for this. I’ve heard many toxic and abusive statements, like ‘God won’t forgive you of your sins, if you don’t forgive your abusers’, ‘all sins are equal’. ‘I’ve forgiven, so should you’. Which is highly abusive to state.

This is all ‘shame-shifting’.

The only person that does need to feel shame, is the abuser. They do need to feel appropriate shame about their actions. They do need to feel remorse about the harm they caused. They need to seek to do what is necessary, to deal with it appropriately. Like be honest and tell the truth. Be honest about their motivations.

And if they did all this, they would not expect or demand anything from the victim. They would know the victim needs to deal with their healing, how the victim needs. They would know the victim…

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Been super busy lately

I got a new job at a local hospital in the administrative bits.  The training is intense and there’s so much to remember. I think it will be just a matter of practice and not beating myself up.

I haven’t done much art stuff because I’ve been occupied with the job training. I hope to get back to it all very soon.

Open letter to Nyle Dimarco

I just love Nyle DiMarco. Nyle DiMarco and Matt Daigle both helped me cope with my own hearing loss. I don’t know where I would be in this if it wasn’t for them.

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Hello Nyle:

I hope this letter finds you doing well.  I have been meaning to send this to you for some time.  I was not sure how to frame my thoughts, which led me to put it off until now.  I have no specific reason to go public about this.  I just wanted to share something with you.

I am proud of you.  I am proud of your accomplishments. I am proud of what you are doing for the Deaf community.  I proud that you are a role model for many in our community.  I am so excited for you.  You have done what many of us only imagine or dream about but aren’t able to make it come true.

You are an epitome of the true meaning of hard work.  For that alone, I admire you.  My admiration is also because of your tenacity – the grip you have…

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My poor neglected art therapy journal.

It’s been insanely busy lately.  I had to really buckle down to study for that medical coding exam. It was so difficult. I honestly have no idea if I passed it or not. The challenging thing is that there are so many similar treatment codes (CPT and HCPCS) that it was really hard to choose which one to pick. The scary thing is that you can get in BIG TROUBLE if the auditors think you’re deliberately trying to pull some funny business when that’s not the case.

I have a new found respect for doctors and nursing staff. How the HELL does one remember ALL THOSE AILMENTS and then remember which treatment to use for them? There are thousands! HOW DO THEY DO IT? It’s beyond me!

The hardcore studying really cut into my art time. =( I really hate that. I have to pass the exam if I want to have better job opportunities.

I have a new little buddy who lives on my desk.

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His name is Londo.  I named him after Londo Mollari because Betta fish have that kind of Centauri Prime pompousness. If you want to know where I got the Babylon 5 Zen Garden backdrop, I just Googled the image, printed it and taped it to the back of the tank.  I will transfer him to a larger tank when he grows a little more.

I have run into a bit of a creative dry spell. I found two books written by one of my all time favorite comic book artists Jessica Abel. Some of you may know her as “Art Babe.”  I’ve been a fan since I found out about her in the 1990s via Sarah Dyer‘s comic showcase Action Girl.

These are the books:

Drawing Words and Writing Pictures: Making Comics: Manga, Graphic Novels, and Beyond  and Mastering Comics: Drawing Words & Writing Pictures Continued 

I am glad that I found these because they’re very informative about how to make comics. I don’t plan on making a living on comics.  That field is SUPER competitive.  They’re just going to be further therapeutic tools for my art journaling.

Some of my friends do this exercise where they draw whilst listening to music.  I have been on a Jamiroquai binge for the past few days.  I want to draw a few comic panels based on their song “Cosmic Girl.”  I drew one manga-ish figure.  Let’s just say that Rome was not built in a day.

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Why is it whatever image you have in your head that you want to put on paper NEVER turns out how you really want it? Very frustrating.

But I guess the only way I will get better at any art stuff is to keep doing it, even if I have to force myself.

 

Suicide is NOT painless and it does bring so many changes…

I have lost quite a few people to suicide. It is one of the most gut wrenching way to lose somebody.  It can make you forever beat yourself up wondering what you could have done. What signs did you miss? Why didn’t you KNOW that the person was suffering so much that s/he felt that suicide was the only way out.  Sadly, we’re not psychics. Some people are extremely good at hiding pain.  Logically you can know this, but that emotional vulnerable part of your psyche takes a TON of convincing.

This is one of the best articles I’ve read about suicide.

This bit is HUGE: The capability comes by being habituated to harm.

“Physical or sexual abuse as a child, combat exposure, and domestic abuse can also ‘prep’ the individual for the physical pain associated with suicidal behavior,” Bering writes, noting how specific the preparation can be. “For example, a study on suicides in the U.S. military branches found that guns were most frequently associated with Army personnel suicides, hanging and knots for those in the Navy, and falling and heights were more common for those in the Air Force.”

People who come from abusive backgrounds or who have experienced combat either as a soldier or civilian are at risk because they’ve grown accustomed to being harmed. When you’ve been brutalized, you come to expect more brutality. When it comes from abuse from family or churches, it can make you feel like you are less than human and unfit to live. When it comes to soldiers, it comes from the horror of having to take a life and unable to process that. When it comes to war victims, it can make one want to escape all that pain and perhaps a world that is so cruel that you’re afraid to live in it. This is huge because if we KNOW a person has had these experiences, we KNOW that we have to especially reach out to them. We have to keep a loving, watchful eye. We have to ALWAYS ALWAYS let them know that they are loved, they’re not burdens and they matter. People like that can easily think that they’re nothing but burdens on their loved ones and falsely believe that killing themselves would be a relief to everyone. WHICH IS NOT TRUE! IT WILL ONLY MAKE THEM QUESTION WHAT THEY DID WRONG (nothing wrong) AND WONDER WHAT THEY COULD HAVE DONE TO STOP IT!

Robin Williams had a double whammy against him when he committed suicide.  It’s long known that he suffered from bipolar disorders which gave him some seriously crushing depressions.  He was also given a devastating and horrifying diagnosis.  Lewy Body, Alzheimer’s and other dementia related illnesses ARE terrifying. I know from experience that it is a horrifying thing to watch loved ones succumb to these. I can’t even IMAGINE what it is like to BE the person suffering.

I’m sorry my first post of the New Year isn’t chipper and happy.  I’m not deeply depressed right now, so that’s not why I’m sharing this article and my thoughts. I just KNOW what it is like to suffer from that crushing depressing and feeling like I am a burden and people would rather not have me around.  Depression is a lying sack of shit. It’s like one of those charismatic dooms day cult leaders that feels so convincing.

Let’s really look out for each other and be empathetic this year.