F Bombs Away!

One of my friends posted about a reputation service that will scan your Facebook and other social media for swear words.  I never understood why people get so worked up over swearing. I can understand some people who went through abuse who are triggered by swearing because of being cussed out by an abusive person. However the holier than thou types who go out of their way with cutesy words annoy me to no end.

I admit that I swear a lot. When I am angry, I swear.  When I don’t feel well or am in pain I swear. Having autoimmune disease (Lupus and Sjogrens) means that there are many days I feel like shit and am in pain.  I’ve read studies where swearing can be a good distraction to pain. Have you ever had an EMG (Electromyography) test?  That’s when they stick a needle attached to an electrode and stick it into your muscles and SHOCK THE SHIT OUT OF THEM. When a neurologist was testing me for general nephropathy and MS, I had that test in my legs. It hurt like hell.  I dropped enough F bombs to make both Billy Connolly and Richard Pryor shit themselves. Maybe even Eddie Murphy.  And don’t get me started on cortisone shots. Those sting.  And sorry, if I smash a finger in a drawer or hit a toe on some furniture, I’m not going to say a cutesy phrase!

Video games make me swear. Actually, most of my female gamer friends swear more at games than their male significant others.  Maybe we’re subconsciously taking out aggression out in the games on patriarchal bullshit.

I’m not stupid about my swearing. I won’t swear at work. That’s just unprofessional.  If I do injure myself, I may say something in German or Yiddish. I also make a point not to swear around kids.  Sometimes a curse word may accidentally slip out in front of a friend’s kid. They’re smart enough to know that kids aren’t supposed to swear. I explain that it’s not a good idea to swear early because then it’s more likely to become a habit where they just kind of slip out.  They get it. They shrug it off.

I’m not sure when I said my first F Bomb. Perhaps it was in middle school sometime. That’s pretty average for a first F Bomb.  I once got my mouth washed out with soap when I was in early elementary school. I think I said the word “shit” because my father swore a lot. My Mum got pissed at me and shoved a bar of Coast soap in my mouth. Several years later I found that very same soap in the linen closet with  teeth marks. My Mum said that she felt terrible about it, but she wasn’t sure how to get me to stop saying “shit.”  I think it’s hilarious now. I can’t smell Coast soap without thinking about that and being somewhat amused. And guess which soap my husband uses!

If someone is truly hurt and scared by swearing,  I will do my very best to avoid it. I am a survivor of abuse and I understand triggers.  It’s only fair.

Working in psychiatric and substance abuse, I’ve heard just about every swear word that can be uttered by humanity. Some of my coworkers would get really snotty with the clients about swearing. I never understood why. In a therapeutic setting, I tell people they don’t have to censor themselves. If they have to drop enough F Bombs to destroy a galaxy to describe someone who had hurt them to bubble out that pain, then I say go for it. Who am I to censor their voice when they’re trying to heal?

Actually, some of the kindest, most genuine people I know tend to have potty mouths. They’re the person who you can wake up at 3:00 AM when you’re feeling suicidal. They’re the ones who drop everything and come to you when your significant other decides to dump you. They will listen and crack some gallows humor jokes with you if you’ve had a shitty day.  On the contrast, some of those holier than thou types* who say “fiddlesticks” or “shoot” and other cutesy words have been the most judgmental, self righteous, mean spirited people. They’re just too eager to gossip about you and tell you that you didn’t pray hard enough, so that’s why bad shit happened to you. They’re the ones who spit scripture  at you when you come to them for help. No thank you!

I’m not trying to advocate for or preach against swearing. We all have our coping mechanisms. Some people only swear when they’re truly angry** and that means “watch out, shit’s about to hit the fan.”  Some just don’t see the appeal in swearing. To each their own.

Could I reduce some of the swearing? Sure. Everyone can.  However, before you judge someone’s vocabulary, remember there’s always reasons for behaviors.


*  I remember this one chick back in high school who came from a very religious family. Her idea of acceptable was pretty narrow and it got narrower as we got older. I always felt I had to tame myself down around her to avoid her nasty judgmental behaviors. She would gossip about any mutual friend not with us. Shortly before my 16th birthday, she spread all sorts of horrid rumors about me. Some Christian she is, eh?

** The day that this dude called someone a “prick,” which is very mild in my world, I about shat myself. To him, that was a pretty harsh word, but I could tell that he was really upset and sick of what has been going on around him.  I was proud of him like a sister would be. I was proud of him in that “no more bullshit” mode.  Now if this one were to drop an F bomb, everyone should take notice because that would have a lot of weight.  I have to admit that after whatever crisis that warranted an F bomb from him passed, I would find it rather funny.

Outrage fatigue, spinning wheels and other crap.

I haven’t done too much creative work lately. I have been busy with this training program for Medical Billing and Coding. I had to redo all the training because the online class via IPFW was really crap. They simply just outsourced it to one of those for profit places where I wasn’t able to get a hold of anyone to ask questions. Even though I got all high scores on the quizzes and tests, it had me woefully ill prepared for the licence exam. When I bought the review book, I was furious at the knowledge gaps that class had.  Now I am at Harper College, where the instructors are great and they care about the students. I also made some awesome friends to study with. Some of the classes are review, which is good so it can help me with the stuff that is new.

What can I say about all the bullshit that’s been going on in my country (USA) lately? Wow. The campaigns leading up to the 2016 elections were brutal and dirty.  It made me not even want to watch the news or peek onto most social media. However, I had this hope that once Hilary Clinton was elected, things will calm down. I was disgusted when that Orange Anus won. I was sobbing and in hysterics.  I felt unsafe. I am a disabled Jewish woman. Trump supporters hate people like me. I felt scared for my friends who aren’t WASPy cis-gendered heterosexual men.  My friends who had long term sobriety cracked and had the case of the “fuck its.”  Friends who had  long recovery time with mental illness crumbled. It was, and still is a scary thing to see.  Some managed to regain some of their sobriety and mental health, albeit are still shaky.  Even though it’s been about a year and a half ago, the pain is still raw and it still feels scary.

Now I am hearing about kids being separated from their parents as they are trying to get asylum away from violence in their home countries.  I really don’t understand how anyone can be okay with this.  I just don’t get it. I have contacted my reps, which in my area was like preaching to the choir. I live in the Chicagoland area and my reps are already fighting pissed off about what is going on and are pushing back against the cowardly Republicans. If any Republican people don’t like me saying that, then you need to reel in your party away from that hateful right wing fringe that’s taken it over and at least bring it back to Eisenhower style!  If you are okay with Nazi behaviors and violence, then I really don’t want to have anything to do with you.

So yeah. The heavy feelings from all that plus health stuff just has been making me not too motivated to do art stuff. Hopefully soon. We’ll see.  Maybe once my sinus surgery is out of the way. I can’t wait to have that over and done with. Hopefully it will help me breathe better and reduce those obnoxious migraines.

What’s new with all of you?

The Secret Life of Chronic Pain

Being someone who has had chronic pain for many years, my pain scale is a bit warped. That’s why I have a hard time answering a doctor’s pain scale questions. I say “A normal person’s pain scale or mine?” My daily pain scale is at a “normal person’s” 4 usually. If I’m lucky, maybe it’s a “normal person’s” 2.  A 5 or 6 for me would be an 7 or 8 for a normie. Sometimes it’s hard for me to know when to get my ass to a doctor or ER.
So what’s my secret?
Part of this is genetics. My Grandpa Taylor (maternal grandfather) had Wolverine’s pain tolerance. My mother also has some of that X-men mutant pain tolerance. It’s what makes us overdo it and really end up doing a lot of harm to ourselves.
Another thing is that I’ve become a pro at pushing pain away, or just super focusing on something to make it less noticeable. This is especially true for the ulcerative colitis related stuff. When I have that kind of pain, I can’t concentrate on high intellect stuff like school work, but I SUPER focus on pointless silly apps. It’s not that I DON’T feel the pain. It’s that I can bear down and hyper-focus on something else. I’ve had many, many years of practice.
Well, some pains you just can’t do shit no matter what.. Kidney stones are the limit. That’s the WORST type of pain EVER. Women say that it hurts worse than childbirth even. That’s a 10 on my pain scale. I just try my best to concentrate on breathing, but I can’t do much. I just zone out, barf and shiver.

Long hiatus, hospital hi-jinx.

I have made two trips to the hospital for a colitis flare and c. diff infection. =( It’s been frustrating.  I did do some artwork (mostly fiber art) before this happened and I will post photos of them once I am not totally useless on the couch. I am pretty weak because I’m not absorbing nutrients well.  Hey, that’s one way to lose weight, eh?

I have some dye projects going on. I bought four white cotton skirts from Mexicali Blues. I’ve already dyed them with Rit.  Once I get over this health crap, they will be embroidered and/or appliqued as wearable art skirts.

I also bought two white cotton tunic shirts. They will be dyed as well. Since they already have detail work on them I may just dye them or perhaps I may add beadwork. I’m thinking of replacing the ribbon with something more festive.

I just hope I can function well enough in my classes so that I don’t have to drop them. =( If this current round of antibiotics doesn’t cut it, I will be admitted to the hospital and have hardcore antibiotics dripped into my veins.


We Weren’t That Resilient

I have to say that as a generation, Gen X tends to be pretty mean spirited and judgmental. They also have this “oh screw it, nothing is going to get better” attitude. I also read that middle age (that’s where we are now) people have a higher rate of suicide and more die of suicide than car accidents.

I also notice that Gen X tends to have a lot of addiction problems. SO many of my peers are either still in addiction mode or even died.

I don’t really have too much nostalgia about my teens and twenties. Or even my thirties. They weren’t happy times at all.  The only thing I may feel a smidge nostalgic for is Britpop. While most of my peers were listening to the “I hate myself and want to die” Grunge music, I was listening to the more quaint and quirky Britpop. I do not say this as a “I’m an elitist snob and refuse to do the American mainstream” thing. It was a matter of survival for me. If I listened to Grunge, my depression would have been a billion times worse. I couldn’t afford to listen to the “I hate myself and want to die” shit. That’s pretty much why I gravitated over to Britpop. It was lifesaver for me.

Well I did have my Goth phase and still like Goth music. I ran into some really awful people in that scene (but a lot of cool people too). I had to get out of that scene to get away from people who treated me poorly.

The thing is, Gen-X really doesn’t have a leg up on Millennials. A lot of the toxic shit that some Millennials do really aren’t new at all. I’ve seen a lot of that behavior in Gen-X as well. In fact, I think the not caring about things and drowning in apathy started with us. I am not sure why.






Source: We Weren’t That Resilient


Some things are awesome:

  1. Finding unknown treasure in your basement!
  2. Remembering a long forgotten tip learned from other artists and art students!


I have a lot going on as far as projects go.  We are in the process of doing some remodeling in the house. Not all of it is too big. It’s just mostly cosmetic and sort of simple to do.  The house needs painted BADLY, so that’s the first on the agenda.  I am going to do most of it.  I was going to paint the rest of the loft bits of our townhouse and rent super tall ladders to do it. Hubby put the kibosh on that.  He pointed out with my Meniere’s disease, a super tall ladder would be VERY dangerous. I’ve fallen off shorter ladders before. So the tall bits are going to be hired done.  I can do the walls that I can reach fairly well with a regular step ladder and my own arm reach. Good thing I’m fairly tall!   I will, of course post the finished job. I hope to have this done before fall. *crosses fingers*

I have lots of art projects in mind. I guess you can call it an artistic bucket list?

I feel like our walls are too bare.  My husband tends to be a minimalist and sort of Sheldon Cooperish when it comes to decor.  I LOVE geek decor, of course and I’m happy to accommodate that for him.  However, I want to add some Jewish boho elements too.  The nice thing about geek decor is that it can meld with just about anything.   We have a friend whose mother has a TON of decor and paintings on her walls. She has a ton of shelving and awesome trinkets all over everywhere.  It looks AWESOME. It has this gorgeous old world Eastern European charm and this amazing, beautiful eccentric look that I adore. Every time we go there to pick up our friend on Christmas/New Year vacation time, I am always mesmerized and in love with her Mom’s house. I LOVE IT!! It’s like a dream to me.  However, it makes my hubby rather skittish. Maybe it’s a computer engineer thing.  I’m thinking compromise here.  I can have some boho vibe in the house without totally covering tons of wall space.  It would look like people actually live here instead of looking so sterile.

Anyhoo, I want to do two LARGE projects.  I want to make a giant multimedia Hamsa on a canvass.  I also want to make a great big pastel  Tree of Life drawing.  As I sketch and plan for these two BIG projects, I think “Holy shit, these are going to be SUPER expensive to mat/frame–maybe even more than the canvas and paints/pastels themselves!  Like at least $200 or so.  I fretted about it until I saw potential in our basement!!!


My husband’s ex-wife has HORRID taste in decor. She goes and buys the ugly trite reproduced shite from places like Hobby Lobby.  In the divorce, she took most of her contrite shite with her, but left behind two of the atrocities.  Maybe I should have done a before on this to show how crap the original crap pictures were.  The black frame has a tiny bit of damage. It’s easily fixed because it’s just a gap where the frame bits meet. The gold frame has a mat!  The mat has a tiny bit of damage, but it’s also easily fixed. Do you know how much this would cost in a frame shop? Hoh-leee-shit, it would be a sticker shocker.

Then I remembered a tip that my St. Franny student pals had.  Go to thrift shops and buy the gawd-awful “paintings” and reproduced lithograph shite for cheap and pilfer the frames and matting!  How cool is that?