The Secret Life of Chronic Pain

Being someone who has had chronic pain for many years, my pain scale is a bit warped. That’s why I have a hard time answering a doctor’s pain scale questions. I say “A normal person’s pain scale or mine?” My daily pain scale is at a “normal person’s” 4 usually. If I’m lucky, maybe it’s a “normal person’s” 2.  A 5 or 6 for me would be an 7 or 8 for a normie. Sometimes it’s hard for me to know when to get my ass to a doctor or ER.
So what’s my secret?
Part of this is genetics. My Grandpa Taylor (maternal grandfather) had Wolverine’s pain tolerance. My mother also has some of that X-men mutant pain tolerance. It’s what makes us overdo it and really end up doing a lot of harm to ourselves.
Another thing is that I’ve become a pro at pushing pain away, or just super focusing on something to make it less noticeable. This is especially true for the ulcerative colitis related stuff. When I have that kind of pain, I can’t concentrate on high intellect stuff like school work, but I SUPER focus on pointless silly apps. It’s not that I DON’T feel the pain. It’s that I can bear down and hyper-focus on something else. I’ve had many, many years of practice.
Well, some pains you just can’t do shit no matter what.. Kidney stones are the limit. That’s the WORST type of pain EVER. Women say that it hurts worse than childbirth even. That’s a 10 on my pain scale. I just try my best to concentrate on breathing, but I can’t do much. I just zone out, barf and shiver.

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Long hiatus, hospital hi-jinx.

I have made two trips to the hospital for a colitis flare and c. diff infection. =( It’s been frustrating.  I did do some artwork (mostly fiber art) before this happened and I will post photos of them once I am not totally useless on the couch. I am pretty weak because I’m not absorbing nutrients well.  Hey, that’s one way to lose weight, eh?

I have some dye projects going on. I bought four white cotton skirts from Mexicali Blues. I’ve already dyed them with Rit.  Once I get over this health crap, they will be embroidered and/or appliqued as wearable art skirts.

I also bought two white cotton tunic shirts. They will be dyed as well. Since they already have detail work on them I may just dye them or perhaps I may add beadwork. I’m thinking of replacing the ribbon with something more festive.

I just hope I can function well enough in my classes so that I don’t have to drop them. =( If this current round of antibiotics doesn’t cut it, I will be admitted to the hospital and have hardcore antibiotics dripped into my veins.

 

We Weren’t That Resilient

I have to say that as a generation, Gen X tends to be pretty mean spirited and judgmental. They also have this “oh screw it, nothing is going to get better” attitude. I also read that middle age (that’s where we are now) people have a higher rate of suicide and more die of suicide than car accidents.

I also notice that Gen X tends to have a lot of addiction problems. SO many of my peers are either still in addiction mode or even died.

I don’t really have too much nostalgia about my teens and twenties. Or even my thirties. They weren’t happy times at all.  The only thing I may feel a smidge nostalgic for is Britpop. While most of my peers were listening to the “I hate myself and want to die” Grunge music, I was listening to the more quaint and quirky Britpop. I do not say this as a “I’m an elitist snob and refuse to do the American mainstream” thing. It was a matter of survival for me. If I listened to Grunge, my depression would have been a billion times worse. I couldn’t afford to listen to the “I hate myself and want to die” shit. That’s pretty much why I gravitated over to Britpop. It was lifesaver for me.

Well I did have my Goth phase and still like Goth music. I ran into some really awful people in that scene (but a lot of cool people too). I had to get out of that scene to get away from people who treated me poorly.

The thing is, Gen-X really doesn’t have a leg up on Millennials. A lot of the toxic shit that some Millennials do really aren’t new at all. I’ve seen a lot of that behavior in Gen-X as well. In fact, I think the not caring about things and drowning in apathy started with us. I am not sure why.

 

 

 

 

 

Source: We Weren’t That Resilient

Score!!!

Some things are awesome:

  1. Finding unknown treasure in your basement!
  2. Remembering a long forgotten tip learned from other artists and art students!

 

I have a lot going on as far as projects go.  We are in the process of doing some remodeling in the house. Not all of it is too big. It’s just mostly cosmetic and sort of simple to do.  The house needs painted BADLY, so that’s the first on the agenda.  I am going to do most of it.  I was going to paint the rest of the loft bits of our townhouse and rent super tall ladders to do it. Hubby put the kibosh on that.  He pointed out with my Meniere’s disease, a super tall ladder would be VERY dangerous. I’ve fallen off shorter ladders before. So the tall bits are going to be hired done.  I can do the walls that I can reach fairly well with a regular step ladder and my own arm reach. Good thing I’m fairly tall!   I will, of course post the finished job. I hope to have this done before fall. *crosses fingers*

I have lots of art projects in mind. I guess you can call it an artistic bucket list?

I feel like our walls are too bare.  My husband tends to be a minimalist and sort of Sheldon Cooperish when it comes to decor.  I LOVE geek decor, of course and I’m happy to accommodate that for him.  However, I want to add some Jewish boho elements too.  The nice thing about geek decor is that it can meld with just about anything.   We have a friend whose mother has a TON of decor and paintings on her walls. She has a ton of shelving and awesome trinkets all over everywhere.  It looks AWESOME. It has this gorgeous old world Eastern European charm and this amazing, beautiful eccentric look that I adore. Every time we go there to pick up our friend on Christmas/New Year vacation time, I am always mesmerized and in love with her Mom’s house. I LOVE IT!! It’s like a dream to me.  However, it makes my hubby rather skittish. Maybe it’s a computer engineer thing.  I’m thinking compromise here.  I can have some boho vibe in the house without totally covering tons of wall space.  It would look like people actually live here instead of looking so sterile.

Anyhoo, I want to do two LARGE projects.  I want to make a giant multimedia Hamsa on a canvass.  I also want to make a great big pastel  Tree of Life drawing.  As I sketch and plan for these two BIG projects, I think “Holy shit, these are going to be SUPER expensive to mat/frame–maybe even more than the canvas and paints/pastels themselves!  Like at least $200 or so.  I fretted about it until I saw potential in our basement!!!

 

My husband’s ex-wife has HORRID taste in decor. She goes and buys the ugly trite reproduced shite from places like Hobby Lobby.  In the divorce, she took most of her contrite shite with her, but left behind two of the atrocities.  Maybe I should have done a before on this to show how crap the original crap pictures were.  The black frame has a tiny bit of damage. It’s easily fixed because it’s just a gap where the frame bits meet. The gold frame has a mat!  The mat has a tiny bit of damage, but it’s also easily fixed. Do you know how much this would cost in a frame shop? Hoh-leee-shit, it would be a sticker shocker.

Then I remembered a tip that my St. Franny student pals had.  Go to thrift shops and buy the gawd-awful “paintings” and reproduced lithograph shite for cheap and pilfer the frames and matting!  How cool is that?

Slacking on the blog *tisk tisk*

My health has been driving me insane. I passed a kidney stone last week and I’m still recovering from that. This is kidney stone number 3! I’ve had two in 2009, but I thought that it was just because I was taking the Topomax for my migraines. After the second one, a doctor told me that Topomax can cause kidney stones! I went to my neurologist and demanded to be taken off!  It also is known as Stupomax because it really slows down the brain processes. Ick! Good riddance to that.

Last Wednesday I woke up and had HORRIBLE pains in my right flank area. I knew right away what it was. It hurt so much that I was puking. I crawled to the bedroom and told my husband that I think I have another kidney stone.  I more or less crawled down the stairs, hobbled into the car and off to the ER we went!  I was given some meds and taken to CAT Scan.  Sure enough it was a stupid kidney stone. UGH!  Luckily it didn’t take too long to pass. I was given a script for THIRTY tablets of Narco. THIRTY! Really? I only took one and hated it because while it did calm down the pain from the stone, it gave me a splitting headache.  No wonder people get hooked on opiates!  Seriously!

I was referred to a urologist because that was stone #3 and the medical people wanted to figure out why I’ve had so many in my life.  (Is it immature that I referred to the kidney stone as a “piss pebble” and the urologist as the “pee pee doctor? Perhaps, but my weird bizarro humor keeps me “sane-ish”) The urologist I saw was pretty cute, too! =D I didn’t see a ring on his finger, so I shall send my single lady friends his way. =P

I got a new job working with adults and kids with disabilities. I do enjoy it. I plan to go back to school for the sign language. Let’s hope that my health cooperates.

My Peekapoo Zoe Zlata (pictured here in her Anime outfit for a photo contest at my husband’s work) now has a new brother!

 

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Meet Joey!

joey

He is a Shih Tzu.  Hoof, Woof and Meow posted his photo on their Facebook page. I saw that adorable face and knew that I had to have him.  He’s about seven and a half years old and he is blind.  He was born blind. He can get around the house pretty well since he knows where everything is.  He’s a total cuddle puppy and always wants to be held, unlike his drama queen sister. Zoe likes cuddles, but only on HER terms. Sometimes I wonder if she’s a cat disguised as a dog.

I haven’t really had the time or health stamina to do anything creative, so that will have to wait.

I am going to go into hiding tomorrow until that bloody dreadful “holiday” April Fools is over.

Long neglected blog!

Has it been a year since I’ve actually written in this thing?  I’ve been really busy with that job (which I had to resign). I also got married at Disney on July 11. =)

bouquet

That’s my bouquet. It’s still in the process of being preserved. I didn’t want to include a photo of my husband and I together on this public of a forum because we both have psychotic exes who may make an appearance and make things ugly.  I don’t understand why people can’t let go and not cause problems.

I  didn’t really do much creative stuff. =(  I just made two flower hair pins and an Evil Eye flower clip.

 

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Having Lupus and working really odd hours at the emergency room really did a number on my health.  It manifests as attacks on my lungs and joints. It got to the point where it was getting difficult to walk and breathe. Asthma+Lupus attack on lungs=lots of coughing and gasping.  Nurses would flock to me and ask me if I want to be seen by one of the doctors. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE the doctors where I work. They’re awesome people, but I really didn’t want the hassle of sitting in a room and waiting to be seen.  They wouldn’t just let me wait at my desk until a doctor could see me. I had to go to an actual room.

I’ve been in a really bummed out mood since Cheeto Mussolini had been elected. =( I was shocked when Trump won. It’s been pretty scary since.  I’ve had friends who have been attacked for being LGBT, POC, disabled, female, etc.  I’ve been called “Deaf Bitch.” I also had people ask my coworkers “Why did you hire a handicapped girl for the ER?”  One of my friends wound up in the ICU from being beaten.  I don’t really like to rattle on about political stuff on my blog or other social media (what can I say that hasn’t already been said?), but I am definitely scared about what’s to come.

I do plan on taking classes in creative stuff.  I’ve always wanted to learn how to knit and crochet.  I plan on taking sewing classes so I can improve on my skills. My mother is a master seamstress. She can look at anything, create a pattern for it and MAKE IT!  I’m nowhere near as talented as my mother with that. She’s truly amazing.

I had to drop my sign language class because of the demands of the ER registrar job. =( I was really bummed out about it. I loved my classmates and adored my professor. I am going to pick that back up in the fall.

I’ve moved all my art and sewing stuff from the spare room to the basement. It makes sense to do that. We need an actual guest room.  There is also more room for things in the basement. It’s also right by the washing machine, so I can prewash all my fabrics and be right there. The ironing board stuff is also right there permanently, so I don’t have to lug everything upstairs to iron seams. It gets a little cold, but it makes the creative stuff more convenient. Right now it’s a bloody mess down there and I am still trying to figure out where to put everything. Once I have it nice and set up, I shall take piccies.

So, dear readers? What has been going on with you? What has been inspiring you?  Please share your experiences.